This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
