meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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