she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
