dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
