every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
