Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
