Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
