You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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