not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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