I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
