I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
