i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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