this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
