my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
