we're blogging at a bar
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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