Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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