people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
