don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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