were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
