my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
