He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
