Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When are your genitals available?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
