Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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