how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
