Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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