Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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