Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
