Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
