can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
