if i can run in heels then i can drive
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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