I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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