i need an iv and a liver transplant
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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