all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
