whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
