i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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