I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
