Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
