just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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