he wants to bone in the snuggie
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
