hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
