listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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