just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
