No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
