I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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