Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
