The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
did i just pee glitter
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize