Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
