I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
