Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
