4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
