i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
