I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
