Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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