I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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