This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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