wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
