Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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