I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
