We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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