I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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