I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
