I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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