batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
