found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
