walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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