Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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