i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
