i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
third nipple confirmed
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
